Do you ever wonder, “what it means to be a man”? Well I have news for you, there is no need to wrestle with this complex question anymore because PORN HAS DEFINED IT FOR YOU. That’s right, according to the vast majority of pornography out there (which is straight, hardcore porn), being a man consists of these simple steps:
- Have a huge penis. This is key! If you don’t have a gigantic cock, you are hereby doomed to lesser manhood.
- Want to have sex constantly. Make sure this is the only thing on your mind. What, you enjoy singing songs? Talking to a friend? Cooking a meal? You’ve failed the real man test.
- Possess superhuman sexual stamina. Don’t worry about the fact that no woman actually enjoys being pounded like a piece of meat for hours on end. She really doesn’t matter in this equation. Remember: sex is only about YOU.
- Dominate women (and men too while you’re at it.) Wait, you don’t enjoy yelling demeaning things at a woman? Being physically abusive? What is WRONG with you?
Consider this excerpt from a popular sex advice podcast, where a man called in for advice about his sex life. He wants to be more like the men he sees in porn.
“My girlfriend and I have a great sex life, we’ve been slowly but surely getting into a little bit more kinky stuff… she wants it a little more rough, she wants me to talk dirty to her…which I don’t have a problem with, actually it turns me on a whole lot. . . . I guess my question is, do you have any insight in, like, framing myself mentally on how to do this, on how to be that a little bit more? Because I guess it’s not necessarily in my personality per se, to be like, you know “suck that dick, bitch”, but I mean also, that’s the kind of porn that I watch too, and that’s stuff that I’m really interested in so, you know I could definitely do that, I want to be able to do that, it’s something that I aspire to, so any insight on that would be great, thanks a lot, I appreciate it.”
For so many men and boys, porn is re-defining so-called manhood. This guy admires the men he sees in porn. He “aspires” to be a man who tells his girlfriend, “suck that dick, bitch.” He doesn’t feel like he is currently that kind of guy – but he wants to be that kind of guy.
This is the way pornography gets in our heads and warps our perspective on women, on sex, on life. In this case both the caller and his girlfriend have been pulled deep into porn culture. Pornography ties violent sexism and male domination directly into the sexual pleasure of both men and women. No little girl looks forward to growing up and having her boyfriend dominate and degrade her. And no little boy wants to dominate and degrade women when he grows up. But because we are told so repeatedly from a young age that this is sexy, that this is “okay as long as it’s consensual,” that this is healthy, many of us get sucked into rehearsing this kind of abusive scenario.
Men are desperate to feel like “real men” – a seemingly unreachable goal in our present societies. No matter how hard you try, you never seem tough enough, or handsome enough, or rich enough, or confident enough…and porn beckons to us with the message “it’s easy to be a real man” (steps listed at the beginning of this article). Degrading women doesn’t come naturally to the caller. But his addiction to pornography is making it seem sexy and normal. And I think a lot of guys are stuck in a similar spot: porn is telling them what it means to be a man and there is no other voice in the conversation, no clear alternative. Guys – will you join me in being that other voice?